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Identity First

Updated: Nov 18, 2021

By ANONYMOUS, October 18, 2021

I am autistic.

Not a “person with autism”

for it is not something I own, it is me.

I have been a social pariah

isolated by my oddities

which couldn’t be pinpointed by anyone,

not even myself.

With the nature of my brain not yet known,

I remained alone,

painfully aware of my standing and

trying desperately to change it.

I have been a mimic.

Disapproval of every true aspect

rendered me a mirror to every friend, every

family member, every teacher, every peer.

I have been obedient,

suppressed my stims, my questions, my

interests, my actions. Forced

smiles, laughs, eye contact, and happiness.

I have been tired,

tired of pretending and tired from pretending

yet I have accepted that

my brain will never change.

my oddities will never subside.

my symptoms will never dissipate

my social standing will never reverse

Yet I am proud that

the mystery of me has been solved

and there is a word for it.

I am autistic.

Not a “person with autism”

For it is something I own, it is me.

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