By ANONYMOUS, October 18, 2021
I am autistic.
Not a “person with autism”
for it is not something I own, it is me.
I have been a social pariah
isolated by my oddities
which couldn’t be pinpointed by anyone,
not even myself.
With the nature of my brain not yet known,
I remained alone,
painfully aware of my standing and
trying desperately to change it.
I have been a mimic.
Disapproval of every true aspect
rendered me a mirror to every friend, every
family member, every teacher, every peer.
I have been obedient,
suppressed my stims, my questions, my
interests, my actions. Forced
smiles, laughs, eye contact, and happiness.
I have been tired,
tired of pretending and tired from pretending
yet I have accepted that
my brain will never change.
my oddities will never subside.
my symptoms will never dissipate
my social standing will never reverse
Yet I am proud that
the mystery of me has been solved
and there is a word for it.
I am autistic.
Not a “person with autism”
For it is something I own, it is me.
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