Judging the Izzes sold by the school so you don’t have to!
Hannah Jackson
Staff Writer
September 20, 2022
Today I am embarking upon the daunting task of rating and ranking the Izzes sold in the school union. Fortunately, I am an Izze connoisseur (an addict if you will), and I consume them almost every day at lunch, making me qualified for this topic.
Now in the spirit of fairness, I have created a measurable ranking system for the Izzes in question: they will be rated on bubbliness, flavor, and versatility (in being paired with other foods). I have also enlisted the aid of my friend Kennedy Darts, a senior at Westfield High School, to be a rookie Izze critic. This way, both a rookie and an old hat’s viewpoint can unite to best cover the wide-ranging spectrum of fickle taste buds. For each category, I will be ranking them on a 5-point star scale.
4. Pomegranate
Bubbliness: 3 stars
It's a little flat, but at least it doesn’t have an invasion of bubbles that feel like your mouth has been laid to siege. In my opinion, calm and serene flatness is much better than that.
Flavor: 2.5 stars
It has an odd edge to its taste that I simply just do not find appealing. It's a polarizing flavor that your taste buds either love or are not too keen on. Mine are not too keen. I will say that the flavor grows on you after a while (hence the 2.5 stars), but between you and me it does not grow that much.
Versatility: 1
On its own, it's tolerable, but not very good. I would not want its taste to infect food and drink of a higher caliber.
Kennedy’s Rookie Review: Pomegranate is my least favorite because I do not like pomegranates.
3. Apple
Bubbliness: 5
The bubbles? Effervescent angel wings lifting your tongue to heaven. Just the right amount, Goldilocks and I both approve. Simply perfect.
Flavor: 4
The only way I can describe the taste of this is that it is like going on a peaceful stroll with a slight breeze. In more technical terms, it is fizzy apple juice. A classic, really, that's hard to mess up. Overall, it is very yummy, but I’m not always in the mood.
Versatility: 4
Tastes good with anything, especially if you’re on the hunt for something sweet to go with your food. I’m only giving it a four because I am not always on the hunt for something sweet.
Kennedy’s Rookie Review: Apple Izze is my favorite because it tastes like fizzy apple juice and it brings back so many memories of my childhood.
2. Blackberry
Bubbliness: 5
It's a lovely sensation that matches the warmth of the flavor perfectly. Through my experience with this Izze, I have learned how bubbles can be an art form.
Flavor: 4.5
Simply phenomenal. Imagine fall warmth being turned into a flavor. It's this drink. This is what I imagine those royal purple-colored candles would taste like. So good.
Versatility: 4.5
It doesn’t do much to enhance existing flavors, hence the removal of 0.5, but regardless you can still enjoy it while eating anything.
Kennedy’s Rookie Review: I have yet to try blackberry, hopefully, the school restocks it.
1. Cherry Lime
Bubbliness: 3.5
I must admit that bubbliness on this can be a little harsh when it travels to your throat. Still, it does not inhibit the experience greatly and is an afterthought. Nothing can be perfect, and it's a small price to pay.
Flavor: 5
Ambrosia. A delight to the senses. I could go on and on. The sweet cherry combined with the tart lime is a food engineering feat, previously unknown to be capable by man. A MUST try if you want to have a fulfilling life. Gives me the pick-me-up I need during lunch, and really inspires me to see the good in the world.
Versatility: 5
A true beverage marvel, it can even enhance foods. Pretzels are phenomenal with this drink. Really, anything is.
Kennedy’s Rookie Review: Cherry lime is my second favorite because I am a big cherry-flavored fan and it was the first Izze I ever tried.